Woke up this morning and thought, "Where is he?" Because, generally, he wakes me up before he even goes to the bathroom. Not for cuddles but for food. Haha! He did NOT wake me up this morning but I could hear him talking. So I venture into the kitchen to find him suspiciously dirty in the area of his mouth and shoving the following concoction into his snack bowl: cheesy chips, the cereal part of Lucky Charms (the marshmallows are already gone), red jelly candies (Willie Wonka makes them without red dye!), and bite sized 3 Musketeers and Milky Way candy bars.
"I'm making a breakfast SNACK!" he told me, quite giddily.
Now, the jelly candies were in a top cupboard, the chocolate was behind the vegetable holder on the counter, and the Lucky Charms? On top of the fridge! How did he reach that, you ask? By climbing onto the counter, standing up and pulling it down. When I looked up at the fridge in a reflex "How the heck did he do that?" action, I saw the Oreos balanced precariously on the edge. Which then explained the mysteriously dirty mouth and shirt. After removing the grossly junkie food from his snack bowl, I explained (oh so calmly and sweetly, of course) that those foods are for special treats and not for breakfast; that breakfast is the most important meal of the day so he needed to make it a healthy one. I offered him Cheerios with milk and cantaloupe. His response was to begin wailing and throw himself to the floor, screaming about how mean I am. And how I needed to be nice to him or something.
Memory intrusion... Only a year ago, this same riotously obnoxious child would be overjoyed at a breakfast of Cheerios in milk, cantaloupe and yogurt with a glass of watered down orange juice. Yes. Really. Or a scrambled egg with toast and fruit and a glass of milk.
I woke Wayne on my way through to take a shower and told him Jack was eating breakfast. Next thing I know, Wayne is in the bathroom, telling me that Jack went outside. Seriously. While Wayne was still dozing and I was showering, the new king of the castle decided he should go play in the backyard and without telling anyone anything, just... did it. Luckily, we have our bedroom window open at night now (yay desert climate!) so Wayne heard him out there.
Around 8:45, I emerge from the bedroom, dressed and looking for my make up (because keeping it in my bathroom is just illogical!). Wayne is throwing away all the ice cream because Jack, after having twice gotten into trouble this morning for just doing things, has decided to eat an ice cream cone. And not just eat it like it's no big deal. He snuck it. He crept into the kitchen when no one was looking to get it. Then he tried to eat it before we noticed. He was sneaking the last of it into his mouth when Wayne caught him.
Wayne's looking at military schools now. Anyone know if they take 4 year olds?
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