Say Wha?! Wednesday

As Wayne and I are leaving to do some target practice:
Me: Bye, Jack!  Love you!
Jack: Yeah.  Shoot a cactus for me, Ma! (mimes shooting)

At bedtime:
Jack: You're getting cranky.
Me: I know.  That's why I need to go to bed.  So go to bed so I can.

Eating ice cream in Tombstone:
Jack: If this was Sugar Town, I'd go in every place I see.

Random:
Me: Jack?  Do you think mommy's a good drive?
Jack: Yeah.  But dad's the BEST driver ever.
*Wayne was not with us.  

In the bathroom...
Jack: Hey, Dad!  Did you hear that loud fart? I will ALWAYS think that fart is funny.... It's HILARIOUS!!!

Discussing why we don't eat many processed foods: 
Me: What do chemicals do to you?
Jack: They can make you sick sometimes, or they can KILL you... But you always come back to life.
Me: Oh?  When?
Jack: I don't know.  Maybe 90 years?

Driving away with Wayne... 
Jack: Really, Kel?!  Really?!?!
*We're still not really sure why he said that!!

Coming home from... somewhere... he tries to open the back door for the dog:
Jack: Damn it!
Me: What did you say?!?!
Jack: Darn it!  I said, "Darn it," Mom.
Me: Do not say damn it, Jack.  You know better.
Jack: Okaaaay.

While listening to Wayne and I talk about work:
Me (to Wayne): Well, that's just BS. 
Jack: What's BS?
Me: Ummm... (glancing at Wayne)... it means bullshit.  Which is a bad word. 
Jack: What does it mean? 
Me: It's kind of like a lie or when something is unfair.
Jack: Okay.  I'll just say bullship.
Me: Uh, no.  No, you won't. 
Jack: I'm saying bullSHIP.  Ship.  With a "puh" sound.
Me: You can't say that.  It sounds like the bad word. 
Jack: Well, what can I say? 
Me: Ummm... uhhhh...  (desperately looking at Wayne)...
Wayne: Baloney.  You can say baloney.