Say Wha?! Wednesday

Gah!  It's been 5 weeks since the last post.  Needless to say... we've been a little busy!  Jack started karate, Wayne had 10 page papers to write, I got my yearly throat/sinus infection thing that means I get behind on everything...  But enough!  I'll blog (and post pics) of the karate stuff soon.  For now...  it's Say Wha?! Wednesday.  The blog committed to getting every funny thing my little weirdo says written in black and white for all eternity. 


Just finished dinner with Wayne, Jack and our friend Kel.  Kel and I were still sitting at the table, chatting, when Jack comes flying into the room and...
Me:  That is not okay!  Your dirty underwear almost landed in the pot roast!

Driving somewhere and listening to a comedy channel on XM...
Jack: Dad?  Your truck cracks me up.  It says funny things!

Randomly...
Jack: Mom?  I'm really tired of you telling me you love me all the time.

While visiting with Erin at our house...
E: Do you like your dog?
J: Yeah.  I LOVE her.
E: She's really sweet.
J: (holding up a finger and chewing, chewing, chewing...) And she's cute!

At the doctor's office...
Dr: Are you sick, Jack?
J: Nope.  I was kinda allergy-ee but now I have a sinus infection.
(*I think someone's been listening in on Mommy's phone conversations!!)

Random day at home...
J: I don't really like living in our house.
M: Why not?
J: Because!  I want more toys!
M: More toys?!
J: Yeah.  Like one and a half million toys.

Waiting in the Fry's parking lot while Wayne buys a small pumpkin for Jack's school project...
J: This is taking tooooo long!
M: What would you like me to do?
J: Go in there and give Dad a kick in the butt!

After getting swatted for opening a toy IN THE STORE... THAT I HAD NO INTENTION OF BUYING...
J: NO, MOM!  I already had a spanking today!

Random...
J: <sigh> I wish I had two moms.
M:  You do?!
J: Yeah.  I wish I had a stepmom.


Driving home at night...
J: Mom, do you know what kind of moon that is?
M: It's a crescent moon.
J: Yeah.  But it's empty.  Because when it's a circle, it's a full moon...  I think it's full of birds.

Say Wha?!?! Wednesday

Looking at stuff online with Wayne...
J: What? What are you talking about, Dad? You're just making stuff up, buddy!

Randomly, while Wayne and I were joking around:
J: Tone down!! Let's all put our tones down!!

Random...
J: Candy's better than even cheese!

To me, regarding a toy...
J: That's how it works, punk!

To Corgan...
J: It takes a long time to become a grown up.

To Wayne...
J: This is my yantern. Mom bought it. For me. It's MIIIIINE.

This child o' mine!!!

I love him. How could I not? But today... whew!! He has pushed ALLLLLL the buttons!!

Woke up this morning and thought, "Where is he?" Because, generally, he wakes me up before he even goes to the bathroom. Not for cuddles but for food. Haha! He did NOT wake me up this morning but I could hear him talking. So I venture into the kitchen to find him suspiciously dirty in the area of his mouth and shoving the following concoction into his snack bowl: cheesy chips, the cereal part of Lucky Charms (the marshmallows are already gone), red jelly candies (Willie Wonka makes them without red dye!), and bite sized 3 Musketeers and Milky Way candy bars.

"I'm making a breakfast SNACK!" he told me, quite giddily.

Now, the jelly candies were in a top cupboard, the chocolate was behind the vegetable holder on the counter, and the Lucky Charms? On top of the fridge! How did he reach that, you ask? By climbing onto the counter, standing up and pulling it down. When I looked up at the fridge in a reflex "How the heck did he do that?" action, I saw the Oreos balanced precariously on the edge. Which then explained the mysteriously dirty mouth and shirt. After removing the grossly junkie food from his snack bowl, I explained (oh so calmly and sweetly, of course) that those foods are for special treats and not for breakfast; that breakfast is the most important meal of the day so he needed to make it a healthy one. I offered him Cheerios with milk and cantaloupe. His response was to begin wailing and throw himself to the floor, screaming about how mean I am. And how I needed to be nice to him or something.

Memory intrusion... Only a year ago, this same riotously obnoxious child would be overjoyed at a breakfast of Cheerios in milk, cantaloupe and yogurt with a glass of watered down orange juice. Yes. Really. Or a scrambled egg with toast and fruit and a glass of milk.

Finally, he realized I wasn't giving in and settled himself down for his healthy breakfast. I turned on his shows and told him I had to take a shower so I wouldn't be late for Sunday school. It did not occur to me that he'd need further instruction as he has NEVER done what he next did...

I woke Wayne on my way through to take a shower and told him Jack was eating breakfast. Next thing I know, Wayne is in the bathroom, telling me that Jack went outside. Seriously. While Wayne was still dozing and I was showering, the new king of the castle decided he should go play in the backyard and without telling anyone anything, just... did it. Luckily, we have our bedroom window open at night now (yay desert climate!) so Wayne heard him out there.

Around 8:45, I emerge from the bedroom, dressed and looking for my make up (because keeping it in my bathroom is just illogical!). Wayne is throwing away all the ice cream because Jack, after having twice gotten into trouble this morning for just doing things, has decided to eat an ice cream cone. And not just eat it like it's no big deal. He snuck it. He crept into the kitchen when no one was looking to get it. Then he tried to eat it before we noticed. He was sneaking the last of it into his mouth when Wayne caught him.

Wayne's looking at military schools now. Anyone know if they take 4 year olds?

Jack turned 4...

Only about a MONTH ago!! What kind of mommy blogger am I?! Jeesh!!

But anyhow... we had an awesome cowboy themed birthday party for the little guy and invited all his besties.



He wanted a "chocolate cake with yellow bread inside." Haha! I did a cowboy boot cake - I downloaded the template from Parents but did my own decorations with M&M's - because our boy LOVES M&M's. :) And the color red.


I know. I'm awesome. (Albeit lacking in the blogging department.)

We partied with our friends, had burgers and dogs, chips and dips, fruit and candy... Jack opened a TON of presents and (I hope) everyone had a great time.

On Friday morning, we did it all over again with 72 mini cupcakes and the kids from the playgroup. Again, tons of fun - but this time with a boot shaped pinata. Yay!!

Due to insurance issues, we had to postpone Jack's 4 year check up until today. He's 39 inches tall, 36 lbs of healthy, intelligent, gun-toting, inquisitive, climbing boy. We have to get his eyes checked because he tested around 20/40 at the doctor's but it could be that he just got bored with the "game" or it could be that he really can't see. Glasses for my 4 year old... honestly, my first thought was, "Dude! He is gonna ROCK some frames!" About 3 hours later, I began thinking about having to make sure he doesn't leave them places, step on them, wear them to bed, or otherwise destroy them. Plus, keeping them clean... I can barely keep HIM clean! Haha. But it is what it is and it could be so much worse.

He got 3 boosters, a flu shot and a TB test today. He was soooo ready to be strong and brave and not cry. But that first one must have really hurt because he suddenly clung to me and sobbed, "Please, Mommy, no more! I don't want to do this anymore. Mommy, no!!!" UGH. Heart? Broken. I held back but just typing that makes me tear up again. God knows I couldn't cry in front of him because he'd think it really WAS the end of the world!

A blue slushy drink, chips and ice cream at Chili's mostly cured him but an afternoon playdate with his "best brother" Corgan really sealed the deal. He is now 100% unaffected by today's traumatic events. Although, we have to go back on Wednesday to check the TB site so we'll see what happens!

I can't believe he's 4. It's flown by but then, I can't remember a time when he didn't own my heart completely.

Say WHA?!?!

I should totally be posting a birthday party recap but am just. too. tired to deal with the pictures and whatnot.

So... I'm starting a new thing wherein I'll bring to you, weekly (hopefully?), a random list of funny things Jack has said.

Saturday morning, at Caffe Ole for breakfast:
J: Mom? I'm sick.
Me: Really? Oh, I'm sorry. How are you sick? What feels bad?
J: My life.

Approximately same time/place:
J: When you make kids cry, you RUIN THEIR LIVES.
Me: Oh yeah?
J: Yeah... you and Daddy ruin my life all the time.
Me: (stifling laughter) Aw. That's sad. Do we make you cry a lot?
J: Yeah. And my dreams are all RUINED FOREVER BECAUSE OF YOU.

After dinner, not too long before bedtime:
J: Mom! I know! I could have a Popsicle for dessert!!
Me: There's no dessert tonight, Jack. We don't have to have dessert every night.
J: Yuh-huh, MOM! That's what God wants!

While Erin was watching him for us:
J: Erin, yeahhh, I might have to move to Texas.
E: What? You can't move to Texas. Then I won't be there.
J: Wellll, you can move wif me.
E: But Bill has to have a job there.
J: It's okay, Erin... my dad can work and make money for allll of us.

Out and about:
J: [mumble mumble]
Me: What? I can't understand you when you mumble.
J: I was mumbling to MYSELF! When I mumble to myself, then I can understand myself.

Just about every single day lately:
Me: Jack, pick up toys/put your dishes in the sink/go to bed/don't jump on that... {You get the point.}
J: [pointing at me, yelling] You're not the boss! God is the boss! And God wants me to do whatever I want!
Me: You are not in charge. You are NOT in charge. YOU. are NOT. IN CHARGE, Jack Avery Decker.
J: You are NOT my friend, ANYMORE! You are MEAN and I am MAD at you! HUMPH! [folds arms and stomps]
Me: That's fine. You're still my son.
J: Nuh-uh! Not anymore! I am NOT your son, anymore!
Me: Hahahahahahaha!!!! Oh yes you are, little man. You can't get away from me! You are stuck with me FOREVER!! :)

Thank you, God.

Last night, as I was putting Jack to bed, I thought we should say an extra little "thanks God" because we've been so blessed lately. Jack proceeded to tell me that he was too shy and he would tell me and then I could tell God...

Mom... tell Him I said, "Thank you for my mom and dad...
And watermelon...
And family...
And... ummmm... oh yeah!!
FRUIT SNACKS!"

Introducing... The Jackalope

Every new blog needs an introduction, yes? So here is ours!
Jackalope was born on a hot summer day 2006 in Frisco, Texas. Actually, I barely remember the heat... or the weather, aside from the fact that it was definitely not raining. After a full forty weeks of an awesome pregnancy - aside from debilitating heartburn, that is - I was just so excited to finally be having contractions!! I won't go into a lot of detail about labor, so don't get all squeamish and run from the room. Mostly, I don't remember much. I remember breathing through contractions. I remember my sister, Riann, being very very concerned about my contractions and asking me (after the 2nd epidural), "Whoa. That was a big one. Did you feel that?" I have video that proves Wayne brought the camera into the L&D room while I was contracting... I pretended not to see him as I breathed through it but quietly said, "Do not video me while I'm having contractions." Given my hot-headed nature, I thought that was particularly calm of me. But this blog isn't really about me... (If you're interested in me, pop over and read Call Me Crazy.)
Jack came into the world with a hoarse, complaining cry somewhat reminiscent of a grumpy cat. He didn't scream, but he did cry a bit. He was 8 lbs, 20 inches, with large feet and a broad chest. (Both of which were remarked upon by nursing staff.) The most common remark made when we were showing him off was, "AW! He looks like a little man already!" Reflecting back, I'm unsure as to whether this was just a clever way to avoid lying about his cuteness level. Obviously, we thought him to be the cutest, cleverest baby in the world. Go look at pictures, though, after your teeny infant has grown for a few years and you may find yourself - as I did - saying, "Wow. He really wasn't as cute as I thought. He actually looks kinda weird."



Thankfully, he outgrew the weirdness and now, of course, is a gorgeous creature who should be a STAR!


Honestly, he is nearing four years old and is by turns hilarious and frustrating. He can be the sweetest boy one moment, and the rudest the next. But only for us, the people who gave him life. For everyone else, he's an angel. Sweet, funny, smart, helpful. Picks up his toys, never makes messes, never ever talks back. I've become quite spoiled by the attention he garners and whenever someone doesn't immediately fall in love with him, I am somewhat stupidly offended. I have caught myself quite literally wondering if so and so really talked to him or tried to get to know him because how could you NOT love him? But then... don't we all do that? I try to keep myself in check - seriously. It's like the opposite of if you have low self-esteem. Rather than combating negative thoughts with positive ones, I am reminding myself that he is just a boy. A boy who is loved and blessed with a particular brand of funny that his father and I both would like to claim as our own contribution, true. But he has his faults and like any boy, he cannot and will not be loved by all. And it's their loss. Hahahahaha!!!

Wrapping up, I swear!!!

This blog is meant to be about the Jackalope and all his funny, frustrating, sweet, and sour moments. About parenting, in a sense, but more a journal of his journey. (I may also use this as a place to mom it up, but we'll see.) I should have begun this 3 years, 11 months, and 2 weeks ago but I didn't.

Currently, his favorite things to say are:

• Haha! Take THAT!
• I'm not Jack. I'm Superman! [Strongman and Spiderman, as well.]
• My best buddies are... [an interchangeable mix of Keoni, Corgan, Jay, Erin, Brittany, Caleb and Bill]
• My pretend friends said... [usually, that he doesn't have to do anything Wayne or I tell him to.]
• God wants me to... [varies between "do everything you say" and "do nothing you say."]
• I want a snaaaaaaaack!!!

So, that's it. For now. Because he's naked, climbing on the back of the couch, and pulling the curtains... which either means the neighbors are gonna get a show or he's going to pull the curtain rod out of the wall - a project he's been working on for 3 years now. He's a determined boy, this Jackalope!!!